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November
The girl who cuts my hair:
When are you going to do something about that thing on your face?
Me: I was thinking it
helps my standing with the ladies.
Girl: Yeah, I was
thinking that myself (eyes a-rollin').
December
Me: so what do you think
is my best feature?
Psychology professor I met at a
Cajun
bar: Definitely the goatee (touches it).
January
My friend Hound Dog:
When are you gonna shave that mess?
Me: You don't like it?
Hound Dog: It's... You
gotta...(makes face, wrinkles nose) it's... no.
Hound Dog's wife:
Actually, it's staring to look better now... (touches it)
February
Hound Dog: What
do you think of his goatee?
Josh (clerk at Dairy Queen):
I think it suits you. I don't think it would look good on me, though.
Me: You should give it a
try.
Josh: I've tried it.
Facial hair just doesn't work for me.
March
Co-worker: Why don't you
trim that beard?
Me: It, umm, helps me
with the ladies.
Co-Worker: (makes a face) Helps you do what?!?
April
Robin (rock & roller
turned barber): Nice hair cut. Where'd you get it done?
Me: Best Cuts. But tell
me, as a hair care professional and a rock & roller, what do you
think of the goatee?
Robin: No, it needs a
trim, dog.
May
Me: So, what do you think
is my best feature?
Jen (an Alanis
Morrissette look-alike hippie chick): It's gotta be the beard. (touches
it)
September
Glassy-eyed black guy on the
corner: Hey, why don't you give me a ride down the street?
His lady friend: Can't
you see he's walking?
Glassy-eyed guy: Don't
you know who I am?
Me: No. Do you know who I
am?
Glassy-eyed guy: Yeah, I
know who you are. You ZZ Top. Ha!
(this piece saw better days on Uber)
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