The View from the West Hill: Free Lunch

         
     

My job primarily consists of finding the right person to fill a job opening. Some call it a headhunter, but I like to think of myself as a matchmaker. Like Yenta in Fiddler on the Roof, only better looking. Or like Patti on The Millionaire Matchmaker, only less annoying.

Recently, I had to arrange travel for a candidate coming from Minnesota to Ohio. One of the reasons he was interested in the job in Ohio is that his he has friends and family (including his fiancée) in the area. After several successful phone interviews, he flubbed the face-to-face interview, scoring a zero on a technical test they gave him.

Since I paid for his ticket and rental car, my suspicions were roused. It crossed my mind that he had talked his way through the phone calls well enough in the phone interviews to get invited for an interview so he could make a long weekend of it. In short, I wonder if I just paid for a long weekend snog fest in Youngstown. If anyone deserves a love getaway weekend in Youngstown, it's me.*

This incident got me thinking. I don't think this is the first time I have had this situation happen. A few years ago, I had a similar situation with a candidate from Austin, Texas (for kicks, we'll call him Tex). He was an excellent fit for the job, open to the salary range they offered, and said he was hitting a glass ceiling in his current company. In the business, we call that a career wound. It's enough of an itch to make you want to scratch it.

At the risk of sounding repetitious, after several successful phone interviews, Tex was invited to Ohio for a face-to-face interview. He flew coach, but was put up in what is alleged to be the most luxurious flophouse in town. I don't know how true that is – if I ever stayed there, it would have to be on someone else's dime, too.

So Tex came to town the day before the interview. My co-worker Greg picked him up at the airport, took him to dinner, and showed him around town. The evening went long, included drinks, and I have a sneaking suspicion ended at a gentleman's club. Greg was notorious for spending money that was not his own. Those are called "entertainment expenses" and they get "written off."

The next morning, Greg took Tex to breakfast and dropped him off for the interview. As predicted, Tex nailed it. The manager loved him, and consequently, loved me. Tex took a cab to the airport and returned to Austin. A couple days later, the company made him a very generous offer.

Greg called him with the offer and in response, Tex chuckled.

"That's a nice offer, but... I live in Austin. Everyone knows that it's one of the best places in the world to live.** I work for a great company and I love it. Besides, I've got a bazillion stock options that I would lose if I leave now. I've got a hot, young wife who was born and raised in Austin, and my kids are in school here. I love the Baylor Bears, I love the weather, and my life is perfect. How can you compete with that, son?"

Short answer: you can't compete with that.

I think Tex was just a little taken by the fact that someone liked him enough to fly him in and put him up in a nice hotel. Add to that a personal escort showing you all around town and taking you to dinner. The lap dances were icing on the cake. It feels good to be wanted, and we all give in to that a little bit once in a while. Personally, I would never take it that far.

Sure, who can resist free samples at the supermarket? I've accepted a cup of coffee while listening to a pitch for Amway. I've sat through time share presentations in exchange for tickets to Disneyworld and Medieval Times Dinner Theatre. I was once paid $10 for answering market research questions about my cigarette preferences (smoking makes me cough). Certainly I've had my share of "business lunches." But to spend someone's time and money talking about a job that I had no interest in. Or would I?

Last winter, I got an email from a recruiting manager at a large competitor. It said, "We're looking for sharp people who want to work at our company, blah blah blah. If you are interested, or if you know someone who is interested, please contact me blah blah blah."

I was not interested and I never know anyone who is, so it didn't apply. It was the next part that got me: "Even if you aren't interested but just want to network, lunch is on me!"

In Vegas, I saw a woman win over $1000 on a nickel slot-machine. As the machine continued racking up her winnings with bells clanging and lights flashing, a crowd gathered around her. She sat with her mouth open staring at the machine. For me, reading the words "lunch is on me" is like that, accompanied by balloons and confetti dropping from the ceiling. Two of the most joyful words in the English language: free lunch.

So I responded, "Hi Tim, I'm always interested in lunch. Let me know when and where."

Within a few days, Tim and I met at a nearby restaurant. Tim was joined by Rod, a "business development manager" from his company. That's fancy BusinessSpeak for "salesman." Tim was late-20s, wearing a starched white shirt and tie, blond brush-cut hair, and a pinkie ring. Rod was mid-50s, wearing a sport coat and open collar. I'm unkempt, mid-30s, sporting jeans and an un-tucked button down.

I started off with French onion soup (it was free!) and we chitchatted about their company and what they are looking for. We talked about my background and my current position. I explained that I have a lot of responsibility and autonomy. I have a lot to do, but I come and go as I please. I dress, most days, like a homeless guy. Shorts and sandals from April to October. In short, my job is great.

When the entrees came, Tim asked, "Why is it you're looking for a new opportunity?" One of the great regrets of my life is that I didn't have the nards to say, "I'm not. I just wanted a free lunch." Instead I mumbled something about being proactive.

They told me a little about the culture of their company. They mentioned things like an 8 am start time. Weekly staff meetings. A dress code. Interoffice memos. I had to stop Tim. You might say I borrowed a page from Tex.

"Look at you. You’re wearing a tie. I'm dressed like a homeless guy, and I like it. I don’t think I'd want to work for your company."

So, maybe we're all a little guilty of making the most of a situation. What separates me from guys like Tex, though, is this: at least I didn’t order dessert.

____


*Youngstown, Ohio is not a romantic destination. It's a struggling Rust Belt town on the Mahoning River with a crime rate nearly twice the national average. To be fair, that statistic is heavily weighted by a murder rate nearly 5 times the national average.

**
In the late 90s, Austin was booming. It continues to consistently rank on various "best of" lists such as Cool Cities, Fastest Growing Cities, Best Place for Singles, Best Cities for Families, Large Kid-friendly Cities, Best Cities for Seniors, Smartest Cities, Brainiest Cities, Most Educated Cities, and, of course, Best Places to Live.


       

More of the View from the West Hill

Back to CautionaryTale