These Here United States #1

by Las Ninas del Pinas

SoDak is when everything you thought was middle America- small towns that are the hub of life for farmers and grocers and shoe stores, men in straw hats wresting the bread of the world from the soil, girls with bright cheeks and a little salsa behind the barn, cows like clover, Garrison Keillor's voice soothing everyone to sleep- turns out to be about 20 degrees off, listing starboard.

Ohio

You know that thrill you got when you were a kid, and you open your eyes and realize it's Christmas morning? You rush downstairs to see what's under the tree, full of wonder and excitement. Now imagine that your tree and presents were just a pile of ashes - a prank by the neighborhood kids. That's Ohio, the heart of it all.

Colorado

It's like living in Alaska, only it's not like that at all. It's like Alaska meets New Mexico and parties so much it gives new meaning to "Seward's Folly". It's like the love child of a three way between California, Mexico, and Alaska. It's like if California and West Texas got together and built a home.

North Carolina

Most folks are enamored with the leisurely lifestyle, the hospitality and the down home cooking. It's a place where porch swings are de rigeur and Southern Comfort isn't just for breakfast anymore. After a week at this pace, you might need a reminder that there aren't really sunshine popsicles in the icebox. That reminder will come in the form of a late summer hurricane, as if she is pounding your vacation to dust, only wetter.

Michigan

Do you ever get the feeling that Michigan is giving you the finger inside that mitten? Yeah, like in grade school. That fact, and a town named Hell makes this the only PG-13 state.

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