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Dorothee Lang - Possible cures for boredom It was 17:54. I was pretty much done
with my work, only to realize that I will never be an office goddess: Not
only have I not used the file cabinet since I had the new haircut in
February, but the closest I have come to cleaning under my desk is rubbing my
slipper sideways along the carpet and picking up the paper-balls that result. So I decided it: I am handing in my
notice. "Is it really
asking so much to wear clothes on a regular basis", I said to my boss,
knocking the wind out of her. The only recollection I have of her now is that
she was skinny, had auburn hair and believed that ghosts are people who have
unfinished business. Not like finishing the siding on their house but stuff
like seeing their first grandchild or spending the night at his place. Yesterday, I went to the butcher's; he
is closing for a week while he jaunts of to Tenerife. So I mentioned I was
off to Vienna, and as I was shutting the door behind me he said "Well, I
hope you can swim." I didn't understand, said "Damn it" and asked for his
favourite cheap restaurant and his favourite expensive restaurant. Back home, I had this vision of a hot
chocolate smoothie. So I thought "I wonder what a mixture of milk, yoghurt
and chocolate tastes like if I heat it up in the microwave". Standing
there, I saw the the yogurt curdling in a completely disgusting fashion and
splattering everywhere. I poured the lot down the sink. With my world gone wonky, I went to
have my eyebrows waxed for the first time. That's where I got the message
that Mister Right is no longer good enough for uptown girls.
"Fact", explained the Avon woman, smiling at me through the mirror.
"Still, there is enough product on the shelves," she added.
"It's just that many are not meeting quality control standards." I knew this much, but couldn’t help it.
Mind you, I can't be all that old. And I signed up to learn the harmonica. I
am the novice from hell student for this teacher to be. Ok that's not quite how it all happened
but it's how I feel. ___________ |
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Dorothee Lang works as an undercover agent for overdue intermediate transmissions, has web dreams on a weekly basis and believes in noncoincidence and cotangents. Her work has appeared in Pindeldyboz, Getundergound, Artzar, Eyeshot, Word Riot, Locus Novus and Cafe Irreal, among others. She edits the travel magazine subside.zine, lives in Germany, and for some yet undiscovered reasons only gets published abroad. More of her work can be seen and read at http://www.blueprint21.de. |
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